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Thursday, October 21, 2010

my process with facial feminization surgery

Recently I had my consultation appointment at Bay Area Aesthetic Surgery.  Dr Joel B Beck was the surgeon I was scheduled to see.  I arrived about 30 minutes early to fill out paperwork, although I could have chosen the optional online version I chose todo it in there office.  Parking was easy, at there San Mateo location on Bovet Road.  There is an outdoor shopping center across the street in case you arrive early!!  Upon entering there office I immediately became very comfortable with environment.  It had a very uplifting and peaceful vibe.  I approached the front counter and was greeted pleasantly by two women at the front desk.  Both eager to help, they gave me the appropriate forms, thanked me for coming early and said I could have a seat and fill them out.  The Dr will be with you shortly.  I filled out all of the forms that were fairly inquisitive, I always say you can't do a good job unless you have all the information up front.  So no biggeeee!  I did not sit long before I was moved into a private room with Dr. Joel.  I looked around the room, and saw many different plagues on the walls, from hospitals in many places and practicing many different functions of plastic and reconstructive surgery.  I was particularly impressed with the fact he had done emergency reconstructive type surgeries.  If you haven't seen everything in life you can't possibly be a master in your field.  Well upon him entering I was immediately comforted by his calm and gentle nature.  He was so wonderfully careful about everything we talked about.  I think this must be hard for doctor's, to ask you what you want them to fix on your body.  He handled himself very well and asked me what I thought I might want or need.  I explained to him that I was doing FFS and wanted his opinion, but the work concentrated around my eye brows, nose and cheeks.  So He began showing me quite a few pictures of before and after different procedures.  I began to see that even the smallest change makes a big difference and I also began to get a little giddy, as the work I need done was less than I expected.  But, what was super cool is we did a little mini photo shoot, of my face of course.  Then he uploaded the photo's to his computer and opened up his nifty little version of photoshop.  And he literally on screen changed the shape and contour of my face until it was a representation of completed ffs, Its not a photo studio but damn it definitely gave me a good visualization of what I was doing this to achieve.  We then went into a nearby office where Dr. Joel and Jasmine both went over all of the fine print so to speak.  They gave me the cost and were very good about explaining scheduling and payment procedures.  They also set you up, if need be, for over night after care at a nearby San Francisco location.  I believe that might be more for there Trans patients, as I understand people travel some distance to see him.  I honestly feel blessed I only had to travel a half an hour to be in the company of qualified surgeon's and staff.

So that was my experience at the actual office, but here is more of the personal side of processing this upcoming event.  I have always had some concern and self controversy over plastic surgery.  I try relentlessly to convince myself that this is reconstructive surgery but you know if anything is true I live in reality.  Truth be told I am super nervous about the pain.  I have been through my fair share of pain in life, from broken bones, falling 30 feet from a ladder, and reconstructive surgery on my left knee and elbow all the way to self induced pain from tatoo's, piercing, self scarification. That never takes away the thought of pain you are to endure though.  The second issue is more of a spiritual one.   I believe in a lot of ways that we are born to fate so to speak.  I feel very connected with this planet, nature and balance of things.  I believe in karma, I believe that everything is balanced by a counter part.  So what am I to lose and gain from this in all honesty was my question.  I am loosing  my male qualities, which believe me I have a few ex's who actually asked me not to do this.  I am permanently changing what I was given at birth.  There are problems beyond any surgeon's control, every procedure has a risk.  I am spending a small fortune on my face, makes me feel a little selfish, hey I am being honest.  I have to remember not to get caught up in the physical part of this transition as it is complete reorganization of my life not just a physical transformation.  Preparing myself for this, has been difficult.  Convincing myself it was okay to want this and furthermore okay to spend the money on it took a long time to get past.  Then getting the courage to actually call and complete an appointment was another accomplishment as I was very nervous about the entire process.  The money, in this case I mean coming up with it, is going to be hard.  I am less and less capable of making endless amounts of money as I get older and settle in to adulthood and the idea of pacing myself.  So I know this may not be tomorrow, but I am happy it will be sooner than later and that I found an amazing Doctor and staff to help me achieve this dream I have had since I was very young.
If there area any question regarding this process please ask I would be more than happy to answer
xoxo
Bella Paige

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